Well...I hate to admit to the world, but I suppose I fell off the wagon a bit over the last month.  I have spent quite a bit of my life doing things for the short term rather than seeing them out completely.  I can't explain why this is the case, but it most definitely is true. 
This blog is supposed to be a public confession for my doing, though good or bad, and a place for people to be able to call me out.  I don't like the feeling that I get when like this weekend, someone asks me how the weight loss challenge is going, and I have to fudge my way through an answer because I am ashamed of how I am doing with it.  It sucks truly, but I put on a happy face and say that I am still working towards my goal.
I have a desire to buy an apple laptop, and I as well as Jaclyn told myself that I will not go into the Apple store until I make it under 200lbs.  I do plan to uphold this deal, and I don't care how long it takes. 
I have been thinking a lot about my dad this weekend, and I know that weight was a constant struggle for him while here on earth.  I want nothing more than to continue to make him proud, so I am making tomorrow the start of a new leaf.  Everyone I know is now saying, "Yeah right!" as I have said this so many times, but I really do want to be successful.  I am going to see how many pounds I can lose between now and January 31st to start, and then go from there. 
I have to be real about the fact there people who struggle with a food addiction really do want to be different.  My biggest weakness as I have been discussing with my trainer is: not being willing to push myself when it comes to giving up my temporary happiness to achieve long-term success. 
I am going to strive to spend the next month "ish" practicing "smart eating", and try to avoid added sugar and fried foods. 
We will see how things go, and I welcome anyone who reads this to send me a FB message asking about it!  Thanks for reading!

Tightened

Commitment. This seems to be my soapbox right now in my classroom. I am trying share with my students that being committed to something in their lives will lead to success in that area. If you make it a priority to do the right thing, pushing yourself to achieve, then it will yield the results that you desire.
The ironic part of the whole conversation is that all the while I am encouraging my students to commit, I am living my life without following my own words.
I am spinning my wheels living the way I am, but can't seem to break the cycle. I mean I am proud of the successes I have achieved, but am frustrated as crap at the fact that I cannot seem to shake off the last of the weight up to this point.
I trap myself in the feeling of entitlement towards food, and it holds me back. I can't do it on my own. That has been proven. The events of 2014 certainly haven't helped my cause. I just want to find a way to move through this and grab my life back.
Anyone yearning to be a therapist?? :-)
Thanks for reading!



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Tattoos and Weight Loss

So I have just come home from Golden Spiral Tattoo down on Elm. Feeling a bit lopsided since the left half sleeve was completed back in the spring, I decided to celebrate this beautiful day off by not only thinking of the Veterans in my life, but also by becoming symmetrical once again and beginning the right half sleeve!
It's about halfway done after today's session, and I am more than pleased. This arm selfie was taken about an hour into the outline. The red that you see is sharpie marker. The majority of this tattoo was hand drawn today when I got there. Yeah.



As of tonight, the outline is done, and the shading has been started. It will be awhile before I go back because the artist I use is crazy good, and therefore booked way out!

Anyway...while being held captive in that chair for 4 hours, I started thinking about this weight loss journey. Notice that I am in a tanktop in the selfie. It is my opinion of myself...if I am gonna put on a tanktop and show myself in public I better feel confident enough to do just that!
So I asked myself today...why does one get a tattoo in the first place? I know there are many reasons for this choice truly, but ultimately it is because you want yourself or others to see it. You are begging for the comments and conversation..."Why did you get it? What does it mean?"

If you are willing to do this, then you need to get in shape so that when the time comes to show off your ink, you feel the best that you can about your body! Coming on winter as we are, I could hide away under my clothes because the weather allows it, or I could use this time to buckle down, go above and beyond, and be ready for the spring time.

I frustrate myself sometimes with my stubbornness over weight loss, but tomorrow is a new day and fresh chance to make things right.

Thanks for reading!

Still moving...

Friday's weigh in brought a 2lb loss for the week, bringing me down to 206lb. It is my every intention to stick to my first goal of 199lb by Thanksgiving day. I may have to starve myself for a bit. :-)

I also want to say that this blog is supposed to be an outlet for me in numerous areas of life, and with my parents anniversary being tomorrow I feel like I should share about that. Our parents have set forth for us a path that we feel should be followed. They took their vows seriously, and Jaclyn and I view our marriage in the same way. What an example!




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Moments of weakness

Weighed in yesterday...208.5
The weekends are proving to be a platform for setbacks from the previous weeks performance. Mentally I struggle with shutting out the sense of entitlement that I feel to eat and drink what I want. I do well for the most part during the week, but then my own selfishness takes over and it crushes the start of the next week.
I don't like the "cold turkey" method, but I think it may be time for that.
I ate great yesterday during the day, but didn't post my food journal because I had Chinese food for dinner and I blew my calorie count out of the park for sure. Another selfish moment. :-@



So...what's done is done. Great lunch is packed today, and I will continue to push myself toward the end goal.
Thanks for reading!

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Good morning November!  I am blogging this morning to give an update on where I stand as of yesterday.  This week I can celebrate a loss of 3lbs, down to 205.6lbs.  I did train on Monday and Friday, and got a run in before yesterdays session.  By the way, I would recommend considering a personal trainer if you, like me, have a hard time with the accountability piece.  My trainer, Patrick Willard, is the owner of Heart in Sol here in Greensboro.  Visit http://heartinsol.com/ if you are interested in pursuing the next step.
So...I left training feeling great about the weight loss for the week!  From there I headed to my brother's house to spend Halloween evening with his family.  It was a great place to hide from the Trick or Treaters who pile into my neighborhood from all over the city! 
We had tacos and fixins.  Instead of using shells for my meal, I instead chose a bed of lettuce.  This allowed me to save a couple of hundred calories.  Good choice right?

Here is my food journal from yesterday.  Sorry it's a mile long!  The day went well until I had that weak moment that I talked about with a couple of you guys where I decide that due to the victory of the three pounds, that I should be rewarded for this effort by having Sweet Frogs yogurt.  Though I still managed to stay within my calorie allotment, that 700 calorie "reward" definitely hurts my chances to maintain that loss.  I think that I might publish my food journal every day to keep myself on the up and up.

Ultimately, the question is: Eat to Live, or Live to Eat.  Truly at the moment I am 50/50 on most days.  My goal is to obviously be more on the Eat to Live side, but just being real, it is still a struggle for me.  I want to be a good role model for my kids as they grow up, and I also know that my Pop is watching my moves now from a place of understanding and I want to continue to make him proud.  So, I can strive to make one good choice after another and not lose sight of the ultimate goal that I have for myself.  :-)

As always, thanks for reading and here's to another day! 

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Oh that's all...?

As I sit here waiting to see whether my new tires will work on the truck, I have changed the channel in the showroom just in time to see a demonstration of what sugar does to increase belly fat. Since I don't believe in coincidences, I am compelled to watch.
The advertisement that followed quickly said, just eat right, jog when you can, and keep your eye on the prize. I think I'll try that!
Today my thoughts have surrounded around shifting my thoughts from "I deserve that milkshake" to "I deserve that healthier life." Who's with me??


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All over the place!! (at least it's written that way) :-)

So I promise that the newness of this blog will wear off, but for now I am finding healing in typing out my issues.  So tonight we went to Tex and Shirley's for dinner cause the girls were headed to scouts, and it made sense as a mid point for both of us.  I had the breakfast combo, which includes eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and pancakes. 
Through the day at school I had a mini bagel with cream cheese, a banana for snack, and steamed veggies for lunch.  In full disclosure, I smelled the chick-fil-a which is served on Tuesdays, and it sucked me right in for an 8-count nugget.  (totally not planned)

I seem to go through waves of certainty that I have this under control, and then I will hit a wall of "I deserve to eat what I want," like I have earned any of it.  The mental part is the hardest for sure. 

Siri defines willpower as "the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior."  Yeah, I suck at this.  It really is two-fold because pre-meal I feel so drawn to the food that I can block out the idea of willpower, but then post meal I feel that next time I will certainly have the willpower to avoid.  This I attribute to the fact that I am full, and therefore have received what I wanted in the first place. 

I am working on balancing out what I am eating throughout the day so that by the time dinner rolls around, I am not ravenous! 

I mean today I decided that because I did not have a parent to watch my class during lunch, I deserved that pack of nuggets!  Haha!  I actually said this to myself in my head.  I had time to run to the office to heat my broccoli and carrots that I packed, but not the chicken that I had in my mini fridge already at school.  Crazy...

I am trying not to count mistakes, but rather victories.  I am at the same time trying to be real with myself and not make excuses.  This is what has gotten me to this far removed from that 199lb goal that I still have not hit. 

Tomorrow is a new day... Thanks for reading!

And today...

First of all, thanks so much to those who have offered comments and likes!  I certainly appreciate the fact that peeps will take the time to read what I have to say.
Let's get to it...
I had training today, and weighed in at the end.  208.5lbs.  This is a increase from Friday's weigh in by about 2.5lbs, due to my choice of Panda Express (them crispy honey shrimp are bangin!) on Friday, Jason's Deli (who doesn't eat the FREE corn and spice muffins) Saturday after going to Apple for the 100th time only to find out that the newly released iPhone 6 Plus that they advertise every 6 minutes on national TV is still out of stock at the store that created the stupid thing.  Then finally, Sunday's traditional dinner at Moe's following the worship service that we lead on Sunday evenings at 6:30pm, which everyone should go to... SHOUT! at First Lutheran Church  Here is a sample of what you can hear when you come!

Anyway, today was much better from the food standpoint.  I did eat a second helping at dinner, but that's just keepin it real. 
I told my trainer that I would post my "short term" goal of hitting 199lbs, and that was set in March of 2013.  Turns out it was not that short term of a goal, but I am not stopping now. :-) Btw...this goal has to be hit by Thanksgiving.  No sweat right??? 
Thanks for reading!

Hello world!  This blog is being written to clear my head about things like weight loss, life, and basically a quest to figure things out.  To avoid all the jib-jab that I could include in this first blog entry, I am going to jump right in with reality as it stands right now. 

Actually that is a bit of a lie because I need to start back in March of this year to put things into perspective.  On March 18th, my Pop lost his life due to a blood clot following spine reconstructive surgery.  On March 21st, I was out on a run taking a break from the chaos.  Along that run, I told myself that that day would be the first day of the rest of my life.  I was more than cloudy with the crap going on in my head, and the following day would be the memorial service for my dad.  Beyond ridic how crazy that still sounds to me even in this moment.  I was mad, heartbroken, and confused, but somewhere in the craziness of that week I was able to find the clarity to realize that as cliché as it sounds I was going to change my life forever.

My biggest demon without a doubt is my lack of ability to commit to losing the weight that I have so carefully taken the last let's say 15 years of life to put on.  As of today, I have had the pleasure of working with a personal trainer twice a week for about 18 months.  During that time, I have had some success in moving from my highest weight of 240 lbs down to about 202 lbs. 

However, during that time I have gone back and forth between these weights, and never been able to break into the under 200 lb club.  Jaclyn and I watch Biggest Loser for inspiration, and see how the contestants come to the ranch with their "life baggage."  Along their journey, most of them have their "Biggest Loser" moment.  I truly don't think that I need this to happen in order for me to have that breakthrough moment of clarity.  I just need to commit!  I need to commit not only to the process, but also to myself.  I can be the guy who tries to find the person or thing that must be responsible, but the reality is that it is none of that.  It is me! 

The death of my dad has shaken me to the core, and brought death right to my doorstep.  I received that call from my brother that nobody wants, and that everyone dreads.  This is enough to make you change, but you have to be willing to commit.  I have talked to my dads spirit about this since that day in March, and I even committed then to doing this for him, but ultimately I have failed that commitment as of this day.  Enough is enough...

So blogger world, this is it.   Through this public outpouring, I shall commit to both myself and to the world that I shall not turn back until I reach my weight loss goal, which right now stands at 180 lbs.  My current weight is 205 lbs.  I will return soon with my next entry.  It may not be about weight loss, but we shall see where this takes me. 

And btw...please feel free to call me out if at anytime you see that I am breaking this code of mine, minus a beer or two each week.  I want to lose weight, but I am not cra cra!  :-)