All over the place!! (at least it's written that way) :-)

So I promise that the newness of this blog will wear off, but for now I am finding healing in typing out my issues.  So tonight we went to Tex and Shirley's for dinner cause the girls were headed to scouts, and it made sense as a mid point for both of us.  I had the breakfast combo, which includes eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and pancakes. 
Through the day at school I had a mini bagel with cream cheese, a banana for snack, and steamed veggies for lunch.  In full disclosure, I smelled the chick-fil-a which is served on Tuesdays, and it sucked me right in for an 8-count nugget.  (totally not planned)

I seem to go through waves of certainty that I have this under control, and then I will hit a wall of "I deserve to eat what I want," like I have earned any of it.  The mental part is the hardest for sure. 

Siri defines willpower as "the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior."  Yeah, I suck at this.  It really is two-fold because pre-meal I feel so drawn to the food that I can block out the idea of willpower, but then post meal I feel that next time I will certainly have the willpower to avoid.  This I attribute to the fact that I am full, and therefore have received what I wanted in the first place. 

I am working on balancing out what I am eating throughout the day so that by the time dinner rolls around, I am not ravenous! 

I mean today I decided that because I did not have a parent to watch my class during lunch, I deserved that pack of nuggets!  Haha!  I actually said this to myself in my head.  I had time to run to the office to heat my broccoli and carrots that I packed, but not the chicken that I had in my mini fridge already at school.  Crazy...

I am trying not to count mistakes, but rather victories.  I am at the same time trying to be real with myself and not make excuses.  This is what has gotten me to this far removed from that 199lb goal that I still have not hit. 

Tomorrow is a new day... Thanks for reading!