I believe!

I believe in God. I believe that God's word is a perfectly written document. I also believe that God's word is a working document that is filled with more questions than answers. This in itself is what makes it so perfect.
I have said before that if the world knew where to go to find the answers that we crave, then there would a Black Friday style line to get in, right?
Each time I read or listen to the bible, I think of more questions I'd like to ask. As a seeker, I find this challenge to be both frustrating and compelling. Being a Christian is a challenge I am willing to tackle.
2014 was no doubt a challenge for my family in so many ways, but 2015 is here now, and I am ready to face it head on. The test that I have faced this past year has caused me to think quite a bit about my approach to life. We have one shot, and there is no time to waste. I want to be a healthy, productive husband, dad, boss, employee, etc... The only way for me to do that is to commit to loving myself, and to understand that like God's plan to make us continued seekers, we have to be willing to ask the hard questions, be in search of the way that leads to our personal happiness.
I have expressed to my students who see me the most that 2015 is a fresh start filled with opportunities for growth and joy. So, bring it on New Year!


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Well...I hate to admit to the world, but I suppose I fell off the wagon a bit over the last month.  I have spent quite a bit of my life doing things for the short term rather than seeing them out completely.  I can't explain why this is the case, but it most definitely is true. 
This blog is supposed to be a public confession for my doing, though good or bad, and a place for people to be able to call me out.  I don't like the feeling that I get when like this weekend, someone asks me how the weight loss challenge is going, and I have to fudge my way through an answer because I am ashamed of how I am doing with it.  It sucks truly, but I put on a happy face and say that I am still working towards my goal.
I have a desire to buy an apple laptop, and I as well as Jaclyn told myself that I will not go into the Apple store until I make it under 200lbs.  I do plan to uphold this deal, and I don't care how long it takes. 
I have been thinking a lot about my dad this weekend, and I know that weight was a constant struggle for him while here on earth.  I want nothing more than to continue to make him proud, so I am making tomorrow the start of a new leaf.  Everyone I know is now saying, "Yeah right!" as I have said this so many times, but I really do want to be successful.  I am going to see how many pounds I can lose between now and January 31st to start, and then go from there. 
I have to be real about the fact there people who struggle with a food addiction really do want to be different.  My biggest weakness as I have been discussing with my trainer is: not being willing to push myself when it comes to giving up my temporary happiness to achieve long-term success. 
I am going to strive to spend the next month "ish" practicing "smart eating", and try to avoid added sugar and fried foods. 
We will see how things go, and I welcome anyone who reads this to send me a FB message asking about it!  Thanks for reading!

Tightened

Commitment. This seems to be my soapbox right now in my classroom. I am trying share with my students that being committed to something in their lives will lead to success in that area. If you make it a priority to do the right thing, pushing yourself to achieve, then it will yield the results that you desire.
The ironic part of the whole conversation is that all the while I am encouraging my students to commit, I am living my life without following my own words.
I am spinning my wheels living the way I am, but can't seem to break the cycle. I mean I am proud of the successes I have achieved, but am frustrated as crap at the fact that I cannot seem to shake off the last of the weight up to this point.
I trap myself in the feeling of entitlement towards food, and it holds me back. I can't do it on my own. That has been proven. The events of 2014 certainly haven't helped my cause. I just want to find a way to move through this and grab my life back.
Anyone yearning to be a therapist?? :-)
Thanks for reading!



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Tattoos and Weight Loss

So I have just come home from Golden Spiral Tattoo down on Elm. Feeling a bit lopsided since the left half sleeve was completed back in the spring, I decided to celebrate this beautiful day off by not only thinking of the Veterans in my life, but also by becoming symmetrical once again and beginning the right half sleeve!
It's about halfway done after today's session, and I am more than pleased. This arm selfie was taken about an hour into the outline. The red that you see is sharpie marker. The majority of this tattoo was hand drawn today when I got there. Yeah.



As of tonight, the outline is done, and the shading has been started. It will be awhile before I go back because the artist I use is crazy good, and therefore booked way out!

Anyway...while being held captive in that chair for 4 hours, I started thinking about this weight loss journey. Notice that I am in a tanktop in the selfie. It is my opinion of myself...if I am gonna put on a tanktop and show myself in public I better feel confident enough to do just that!
So I asked myself today...why does one get a tattoo in the first place? I know there are many reasons for this choice truly, but ultimately it is because you want yourself or others to see it. You are begging for the comments and conversation..."Why did you get it? What does it mean?"

If you are willing to do this, then you need to get in shape so that when the time comes to show off your ink, you feel the best that you can about your body! Coming on winter as we are, I could hide away under my clothes because the weather allows it, or I could use this time to buckle down, go above and beyond, and be ready for the spring time.

I frustrate myself sometimes with my stubbornness over weight loss, but tomorrow is a new day and fresh chance to make things right.

Thanks for reading!

Still moving...

Friday's weigh in brought a 2lb loss for the week, bringing me down to 206lb. It is my every intention to stick to my first goal of 199lb by Thanksgiving day. I may have to starve myself for a bit. :-)

I also want to say that this blog is supposed to be an outlet for me in numerous areas of life, and with my parents anniversary being tomorrow I feel like I should share about that. Our parents have set forth for us a path that we feel should be followed. They took their vows seriously, and Jaclyn and I view our marriage in the same way. What an example!




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Moments of weakness

Weighed in yesterday...208.5
The weekends are proving to be a platform for setbacks from the previous weeks performance. Mentally I struggle with shutting out the sense of entitlement that I feel to eat and drink what I want. I do well for the most part during the week, but then my own selfishness takes over and it crushes the start of the next week.
I don't like the "cold turkey" method, but I think it may be time for that.
I ate great yesterday during the day, but didn't post my food journal because I had Chinese food for dinner and I blew my calorie count out of the park for sure. Another selfish moment. :-@



So...what's done is done. Great lunch is packed today, and I will continue to push myself toward the end goal.
Thanks for reading!

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Good morning November!  I am blogging this morning to give an update on where I stand as of yesterday.  This week I can celebrate a loss of 3lbs, down to 205.6lbs.  I did train on Monday and Friday, and got a run in before yesterdays session.  By the way, I would recommend considering a personal trainer if you, like me, have a hard time with the accountability piece.  My trainer, Patrick Willard, is the owner of Heart in Sol here in Greensboro.  Visit http://heartinsol.com/ if you are interested in pursuing the next step.
So...I left training feeling great about the weight loss for the week!  From there I headed to my brother's house to spend Halloween evening with his family.  It was a great place to hide from the Trick or Treaters who pile into my neighborhood from all over the city! 
We had tacos and fixins.  Instead of using shells for my meal, I instead chose a bed of lettuce.  This allowed me to save a couple of hundred calories.  Good choice right?

Here is my food journal from yesterday.  Sorry it's a mile long!  The day went well until I had that weak moment that I talked about with a couple of you guys where I decide that due to the victory of the three pounds, that I should be rewarded for this effort by having Sweet Frogs yogurt.  Though I still managed to stay within my calorie allotment, that 700 calorie "reward" definitely hurts my chances to maintain that loss.  I think that I might publish my food journal every day to keep myself on the up and up.

Ultimately, the question is: Eat to Live, or Live to Eat.  Truly at the moment I am 50/50 on most days.  My goal is to obviously be more on the Eat to Live side, but just being real, it is still a struggle for me.  I want to be a good role model for my kids as they grow up, and I also know that my Pop is watching my moves now from a place of understanding and I want to continue to make him proud.  So, I can strive to make one good choice after another and not lose sight of the ultimate goal that I have for myself.  :-)

As always, thanks for reading and here's to another day! 

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